October Fest

Wow, its approximately been one month since I've blogged, yet it only feels like yesterday when I had blogged. The days seem to be entwined and obiviously a day becomes a week a month and so on and so on.

Well October has surely bought change not only with the weather but with life itself, I've been given the opportunity to go downunder to visit my family for christmas, my youngest sister Raima, my parents and my brother whom I've been estranged from for the past 5 years had all put in $1000 each for Sydney and I to come down for christmas and to be surrounded by that unconditional love that I've known so well in my life and feel so distant from here in this great big land they call "The Turtle" aka USA. My families budget was only $3000 Aussie bucks and because of the short notice its been crazy in finding 2 tickets that even fit within the budget so I opted for plan B, wait a little longer and go back for my brothers wedding coming up in April 2009, a cause for celebration and April is gorgeous in both Australia and New Zealand during that time so I can wait because I know by then I'll be needing some thawing out from the winter we are about to receive in these next few months. My positvie for this is that it showed me that no matter what, my family always will pull through for each other and their heartfelt effort of having that option there available for me meant so much more than I could ever explain, that unconditional love that we know will always reign over everything and thats who I am and I will never change that about me. I have much to think about when it comes to my marriage, I have to ask myself the hard questions, I have to go deep within and find out what's really important and best for my well being, my childs and even my husbands, all I know is that our son needs both of his parents in his life, however whether we stay together as a couple is the question at hand, we're already co-parenting now, we're like room mates with our separte spaces, common rooms such as the living room, kitchen and dining room, yet we live our separate lives having one thing in common and that's the well being of our child. I'm in the process of becoming an independent woman I have to be because I am a free spirit that can't be bottled and molded into someone I'm not. I have to ask myself "do I stay with him, even though he doesn't want anymore children and knowing for a fact that he knew I wanted at least 2 or 3 children" I have much to think about and the closing of October has shown me many things about myself, my husband and our future.

In order to keep my spirit fed I've gone back to the native walk, being indigenous myself I've gone back to the ways of the Native Americans, this lands first nation and I feel I've come home, I need so much to be surrounded by the tribe, by their ways by their love of the land, the sky, and their love for mankind, I feel at home. I was blessed with my first sweatlodge yesterday and it felt like home being amongst my new brother & sisters, we prayed not only for ourselves but for the healing of this world we live in and I felt like I was cleansed from the inside out, being in the sweatlogde was like standing on volcanic land such as my home Aotearoa, New Zealand, or our ancient land Hawaii, I came home and reconnected with God once more. I have much to think about and am grateful for my native brothers & sisters for walking the indigenous ways, the truth with love and compassion.
Taho
r
:)